Rebecca: So I think that there are definitely lots of things in the story everyone can, kind of, sympathize with.
Gabe: Hey, that's a good word to know! Friends, there are couple words that we want to talk about. OK. First of all, sympathize, now what is it mean to sympathize with somebody?
Rebecca: Now, if you sympathize with someone, this just means that you understand and care about somebody.
Gabe: OK. So in Chinese, sympathy might be called "同情心" so you can have sympathy for somebody, or you can sympathize with somebody.
Rebecca: Right. Now, the other word we want to talk about is 'empathize'. Now, when you empathize with someone, you actually feel what someone is feeling and experiencing. And it can be a very very heartbreaking place to be in if someone is really hurting.
Gabe: Exactly. OK. So in Chinese, empathy is "同理心". So you can have empathy for somebody, or empathize with somebody. And just like Rebecca said, when you are sympathizing, you might say something like, "Oh, I am really sorry about that." When you are empathizing with somebody, you might say: "I feel your pain."
Rebecca: Exactly. So why don't you take some time, practicing these words, 'sympathize' and 'empathize'. And if you think it's really hard, I can empathize with you, because I am studying Chinese, and Chinese is difficult, too.
Gabe: That's a great example. Yes, it is true. Learning a new language is difficult. Friends, you are doing a great job. Keep up the good work.
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Brené Brown on Empathy
(GASPS) So, what is empathy and why is it VERY different than sympathy? Empathy fuels connection. Sympathy drives disconnection. It's very interesting.
Theresa Wiseman is a nursing scholar who studied very diverse professions where empathy is relevant and came up with four qualities of empathy.
(1) Perspective taking - ability to take the perspective of another person, or recognize their perspective as their truth. (2) Staying out of judgment - not easy when you enjoy it as much as most of us do. (AUDIENCE CHUCKLES) (3) Recognizing emotion in other people, (4) then communicating that.
Empathy is feeling WITH people. I always think of empathy as this kind of sacred space. When someone's in a deep hole and they shout from the bottom... ..And we look and we say, "Hey!" And climb down..."I know what's it like down here, and you're not alone."
Sympathy is, "Ooh!" (LAUGHTER) "It's bad, uh-huh?"(LAUGHTER) "Uh... No. You want a sandwich?"
Empathy is a choice and it's a vulnerable choice. In order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling. Rarely, if ever, does an empathetic response begin with, "At least..." (LAUGHTER) Yeah. And we do it all the time because, you know what? Someone shared something with us that's incredibly painful and we're trying to "silver lining" it. I don't think that's a verb, but I'm using it as one. We're trying to put a silver lining around it.
So, "I had a miscarriage." "At least you know you can get pregnant."
"I think my marriage is falling apart.""At least you have a marriage." (LAUGHTER)
"John's getting kicked out of school." "At least Sarah is an A-student."
One of the things we do sometimes in the face of very difficult conversations is we try to make things better. If I share something with you that's very difficult, I'd rather you say, "I don't even know what to say. I'm just so glad you told me." Because the truth is, rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.
（吸氣）所以，什麼是同理心？為什麼它跟同情心非常不一樣？同理心促成連結，同情心反而造成連結中斷。這是很有趣的。
Theresa Wiseman 是一位護理學者，在研究各種完全不同、但都與同理心有關的職業，而得出了同理心的四個元素-- (1)改變觀點 - 能夠從另一個人的角度來看事情 ，或能接受對方的觀點即為對方看見的事實 (2) 不做評斷 -這很不容易，尤其當你跟我們大多數人一樣都喜歡評斷別人（觀眾笑）(3)識別出對方的情緒，(4) 並讓對方知道同理心是與對方*一起*感受
我一直覺得同理心像是種神祕的空間，就像是當有個人在一個很深的洞裡並從底部吶喊... 「我困住了，這裡好暗，我好害怕」，...然後我們看著，跟他說「嘿！」， 並一邊爬了下來... 「我知道在這裡是什麼感覺，你並不孤單」
而同情心則是「哦！」（笑）「真糟糕呢，嗯？」 （笑）「呃... 不是。你想要一個三明治嗎？」（笑）
同理心是個選擇，而且是個很容易受傷的選擇。為了要與你連結，我必須要連結到自己心中能帶來類似感受的某些事情，有同理心的回應幾乎不會是「至少...」開頭的
（笑）是啊。但我們還是常常這樣做，你知道為什麼嗎？當有人與我們分享他們難以置信的痛苦時，我們會試著「雨後天晴」它，雖然這不是動詞但我還是要這樣用，我們試著把一絲陽光放在烏雲周圍。
所以，當有人說「我流產了」『至少你知道你能夠懷孕』
「我覺得我的婚姻正在分崩離析」『至少你有婚姻』（笑）
「約翰被退學了」『至少莎拉每科都拿到 A』
一件我們有時候會做的事情，在我們面對非常困難的對話的時候，就是嘗試把事情變好。但如果我與你分享一件困難的事情，我寧願你說「我真的不知道該說些什麼，但我很高興你能告訴我。」因為事實上，很少有什麼樣的回覆是能讓事情變好的，真的讓事情變好的是連結。
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